Thursday, 11 December 2008

What's in a name?

Yeah, another way to ask: What is reality actually? Do we all see the same reality? The answer is invariably no. We create our own realities. Let me try to explain. The following are the thoughts of a boy who wanted to run away from everything in life. Don't worry, this text is not about me.

Rain. Dark shadows of gloom hang above me. That's how I feel. This isn't how I wish it to be.
The setting sun. The ending of life. This is not how I wish it to be.
Morning. The beginning of a day. The beginning of another terrible day. This is not how I wish it was.
Blue sky. Something warm. Something unfamiliar. Something that fills me with horror. I don't want this. I don't want it to be this way.

Everything! Everything! I hate everything!

What do you wish?

Do you fear anxiety?
What do you want?

Do you want peace of mind?
What do you want?

Don't hate me!
Don't hate me, please!

What I fear is..
What I want is..

Another's touch, anothers respect
Can I stay next to you?

May I stay here?
Do you like me?
Do you love..
..your mother?

Do you want to be with your real mother?
No. I don't.
Do you want to be with your father?
No. I don't.
Why not?

Because I'm afraid

I'm afraid of being hated.
My identity might start to disappear.

And so?

What is it that you wish?

Dissolution of Anxiety
What is it that you want?

Erasure of Loneliness

You're very insecure, aren't you?

To become secure I have to..
Value! I want to be worth something!
I want to be worth enough to attract the attention of others!

You seek your own value.

That is something you have to find for yourself.
You have to find your own value for yourself.

That's why I do the one thing I'm good at

I have no value without it.
My life is worthless without it.
Then, what are you?
Then, what am I?
What am I?!

Your body

Ths is..!
This is the Shape that lets others recognise me as myself.
It is my symbol for myself.
This is..
This is..

Your name

.. a representation of myself. Everything is merely a description,
not my real self..

Everything is simply a shape, a form, an identifier to let others recognise me as me.
But then what am I?

What am I?

Your memories

Is this me?
My true self?
My fake self?
You are you.
There is little difference between how you interpret yourself and how others interpret you.

My clothes..
My shoes..
My room..
These are all parts of what make up my Self.
These things are connected through your consciousness.

So what I think is me, is me.
What I recognise as Self is myself.
But I don't understand my Self.
Where am I?
What am I?
What am I?

You wished for a barrier, a wall to seal off your world.

Nobody understands me!
What are you. Stupid? Of course noone understands you!
Nobody can ever understand you.
The only one who can take care of you and understand you is you, yourself.
So you must take care of yourself.
But I still don't understand myself!
I don't even know what it is that makes me myself!!
How could I love myself?!

You are afraid.

You are still unstable.
That is, the present you.
And the people around the present you.
And the environment that surrounds the present you.
None of these last forever.
Time continues to flow, and time brings change.
Your world is in a state of constant change.
You are capable of change anytime your Mind perceives these changes.


What is this?
A world of nothing?
A world with nobody in it?
This is the world of perfect freedom.
A world of perfect freedom, a world in which you have no restrictions.
Is this really freedom?
Yes, that is what it is.
However this world has nothing in it.
Unless I do something?
Right, unless you do or think something.
..I don't know what to do or think!
He is uncertain.
He has no self image to orient himself.
There's nothing solid here.
It is a world in which there are no obstacles.

This is true freedom?

This is a world in which you can do anything you wish.
But you're afraid, aren't you?
Don't you know what it is that you want to do?
What should I do?
Let me give you a restriction.

Law of gravity and a floor

There! Now you have a top and bottom.
But you've lost a degree of your freedom.
Now you must stand on the ground.
But now you feel easier, don't you?
You have less to trouble your mind.
And now, you can walk.
This is happening because you will it to be.

Is this my will?
This world with the floor is the only thing around yourself.
But now you can move around to anywhere you wish to within it.
You could even turn the world upside down if you wanted to do that.
And the position of your world is not the same either.
It changes with the passage of time.
You can change yourself as well.
What forms your shape is its interaction with the world that surrounds you.
You can do anything here, because this is your world.
This is the shape of your reality.

What is reality?

What is this?
An empty space.
An empty world.
A world where nothing exists but me.
With only myself, I have nothing to interact with.
It's as if I'm here but not here at all.
It's as if I'm slowly fading out of existence.


Because only you are here.
Only myself?
Without others to interact with, you cannot truly recognise your own image.
My own image?

The image of myself?

That's right. In the act of observing others, you may find and recognise yourself.
Your image of yourself is restrained by having to observe the barriers between yourself and others.
And yet, you can not see yourself without the presence of others.
When there are others, I can perceive myself as an individual.
If I'm alone, then I will be the same as everything else.

There will be no difference between myself and nothing!

By recognising the differences between yourself and others, you establish your identity as yourself..
The very first other person is your mother.
Your mother is a different individual.
Right, I am me and she is her!
But are you really sure that others form my Self?

It's true.

Man, has it taken you this long to realise this simple fact?!
You idiot!

You have a choice in how you live

I see, this is another possiblity..
..another possible world.
The current myself is the same way, it's not my true self.
I can be any way I wish to be.
I see, I can exist being different from what I am now as well!

If you take that into consideration, perhaps this world isn't so bad.
Still, even though the reality itself might not be bad, I could still hate myself.

It's your mind which takes reality and separates it into what's bad and hateful.
It is only the mind which separates reality from truth.
The position from which you view your reality will change your perception of its nature.
It is all, literally, a matter of perspective.
There are as many truths as there are people.
But there is only one truth that is your truth.
That is the one that is formed by whatever narrow point of view you choose to view it from.
It's a perception that protects you from the twisted truth.
That's true, and sometimes one can have a perspective that is far too small.
But a person can only see things from the perspective that they choose.

One must learn to judge all things by the perceived truths that one receives from others.
For example, sunny days make you feel good.
Rainy days make you feel gloomy.
If you are told this is so, then that is what you will believe to be so.
But you can have fun on a rainy day as well.
Your truth can be changed simply by the way you accept it.
That's how fragile the truth for a human is.
A person's truth is so simple that most ignore it to concentrate on what they think are deeper truths.
You, for example, are simply unused to what it is like to be liked by others.
You've never learned to deal with the fear of how other's feel about you, so you avoid it.
But don't others hate me?

What are you. Stupid? It's all in your imagination!
But I hate myself.
One who truly hates himself cannot love.
He cannot place his trust in another.

I'm a coward.

I'm cowardly, sneaky and weak.

Now that you know yourself, you can take care of yourself.

I hate myself.
But I could love myself.
Maybe my life could have a greater value.
That's right! I am no more or less than myself!
I am me!
I want to be myself!
I want to continue existing in this world!
I am worth living here!!


Thank you all!

Thank you to my father
Good bye to my mother.
And to all of the children..


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