Sunday, 21 June 2009


A song I heard today reminded me of disappearing. And I've been seeing this weird poster in train stations with the slogan "Disappear a bit more". Funny that they're actually advertising that people want to disappear.

I didn't think a lot of people knew that they wanted that.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Why so secret?

"Go and honour your dreams", I once told myself. "Write your own story". Now, what does that mean?

Realising that nothing will last kind of sucks. There are no values. I may learn a lot of things, and I already have, and I might be remembered by lots or none. But it's still so temporary. Does making a difference really matter? "Sure it does", everyone says.

I want to go somewhere. Like everyone does, I guess. Where to? To somewhere where I'll forget about myself. That's what people think without thinking. And then they can't wait to get back home afterwards. What's the only thing that keeps happening? The going. We're only happy when we're going somewhere. Be that a place, an idea or a dream. Why do we need to go, and more importantly: Where?

To see new things, to experience new feelings, to find ourselves, to lose ourselves. We look for what we don't have: completion. We spend our life chasing ourselves. And then we disappear. Is this some kind of joke? A circle of coming and going, a snake biting its own tail.

"In terra pax ad infinite". What is infinity anyway? If infinity exists, then nothing has, is and never will exist. Nah, all this we see is probably spontaneous. Deterministic. The soul? We're so busy making rules for this world, that we lost that long ago.

Then what do you believe? Why do you write this? I don't know. But I do know that tomorrow I'll forget again, and return to myself and the narrow view.

Find yourself! Some people say they can find themselves and find true happiness. They just forget that they're looking. And forgetting can be true happiness.

It's a way of escaping. But that never meant it was easy. Is escaping the only way?

No. Choose your own reality. Noone can hold you responsible for your own actions, but yourself. Choose yourself as you wish to be. What others think is only a reflection of what you think of yourself. What matters is not whay they actually think, but what you think they think.

And if this is really without reason then why not do as we wish. Stop putting restrictions on ourselves. But those can be hard to break.

Did I change? Nah.

Why so complex?